“Pregnant & Winging It” is a short series about a first-time pregnant Autistic woman in Nottingham. Claire writes about her views and experiences around pregnancy and how it’s not all as she expected
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Mentally preparing for being pregnant, and then of course childbirth, was something I wanted to do over a longer period time. As I said in my first post this pregnancy was a little earlier than expected; we got married in September and weren’t going to start considering children until January this year but I got pregnant in November unexpectedly, so this has been a bit of an unexpected (but not unwanted) flap to get myself prepared.
There are so many ways you can get yourself prepared mentally, and I honestly don’t think there is a “correct” way, but I’m going to post a few ideas of what I have done/what is available:
Pacing
This is a skill we all need to learn as Autistic people (or anyone with a long term condition, like I have POTS). If you’re not familiar with the term it’s essentially about “energy management”. It’s about understanding that your energy levels will not be the same day to day, and how to manage that for your personal conditions/situation.
Before being pregnant I had a very specific and in depth morning routine that went from waking at 6am to starting work at 9am. It involved exercising, washing, dressing, making/eating breakfast and getting to work in time to set up and get my day started.
I would get through this morning routine most days, but if I had a bad nights sleep or was unwell it would be changed to fit the energy I had. I wanted to continue this when pregnant, because it was set up in a way that got me ready for my day and helped manage my health conditions, but I quickly found this wasn’t possible.
I wasn’t able to exercise first thing in the morning due to either having a bad nights sleep, fatigue or morning nausea. As I wasn’t exercising I didn’t need to shower every. I wasn’t able to stand as long to make a full breakfast and with the nausea wasn’t able to eat it if I did.
It has been a constant change and rebalance of tasks throughout this pregnancy. I had to massive cut down that morning routine in the First Trimester, I was able to add a few bits back in for the Second and going into the Third and being on maternity leave it has changed once again as I don’t need to be getting to work.
Usually how I manage tasks is by putting my “to do’s” into google task list and then arranging them myself through my week, but I’ve recently been trying ReclaimAI to do this for me (took me a bit of time to get used to it and get the settings right, but has been a massive help). The AI will schedule me in the tasks into my calendar and I try to get through the day as it’s laid out, however, some days I just don’t have the energy… and that’s ok. I try to schedule tasks to be completed earlier than needed so if I cannot do them on that day, I still have time to move it tomorrow of the later in the week.
I’ve also learned I need to really verbalise to people how I am doing. If most people around you have never been pregnant they might not understand why you are suddenly unable to pick things off the floor or walk up a set of stairs safely. I’ve had to tell people a lot that it’s more physically exhausting than you can imagine, and on some days it’s a struggle to sit upright without support.
Stickman Communications for a great Pacing Kit that I bought years ago, and still use now, that I would also recommend if you’re struggling to know how to face.
Mum/Baby Groups
I don’t have many friends who have given birth, and I have many friends who are never interested in giving birth, so I am in a weird place of having supportive people around me but not many who I can ask for first hand experience on having a baby.
I found that my church has a “bumps to babies” group and started going to that, and that’s been helpful. Once a week parents come with their under 1yr olds and have a coffee/play date. I am the only one I’ve seen so far who is attending as a “bump” without a baby, haha, but I did check with the organiser and they said that was totally fine.
It can be really helpful to ask other people who have given birth about what they did, what they found useful, what went wrong, etc. As an Autistic person I like to know what could go wrong and what the options are and hearing that from others can be a great help to me, but I know for others that could cause a bit of a fixation/spiral.
Antenatal classes
The hospital offered me some Antenatal Classes to sign up to, but I declined. So far everything that has come through the NHS, to me, has been extremely negative. All of the “suggested reading” they give me is very “doom and gloom” and I just felt that going to anything they put on in person will be the same. I also knew being Autistic and going to a group session would most likely not be accessible.
There are many groups/organisations that will offer Antenatal Classes outside of the NHS, but will most likely cost money. The most popular is through NCT, I took at a look at their page and they do offer a lot of different courses/meet ups, but when looking specifically at Antenatal Classes it was going to be over £200 for 3 short classes in person or just under £200 for 6 sessions virtually.
I have instead opted for reading books in my own time, watching YouTube/TikTok’s that are midwife/medical professional led. I’ve been watching some parent led videos as well but I always like to “fact check” anything said on these because you don’t know what people are saying online is going to be safe for you/your baby. There’s also some very good books on audible about child birth and the first few months after that can really inform your learning.
Hypnobirthing/Mindfulness
I got a really good Black Friday Deal on a pack from the Positive Birth Company, it was their Pregnancy Course and their Hypnobirthing Course for around £30. I think as a standard each course is £45 but even then I think it’s worth it.
When you see the word “Hypnobirthing” I think it can be quite misleading? it’s not about being hypnotised for birth, but about learning some good mental practices and breathing techniques for during birth. The pack has an excellent section on “the science” being child birth as well, explaining what is happening to your body during childbirth and why it’s happening. It’s explained in a way I really understood; it wasn’t pretending it will be all magic and sunshine but was realistic whilst still being supportive and positive.
It comes with guided meditations and breathing techniques to do throughout your pregnancy to prepare for labour also.
I think everyone should learn breathing techniques for labour, that’s something that the NHS would recommend as well as most “birth preparation” courses/books, but I also think if you’re Autistic/ND you should look into mentally preparing also. I know I can easily spiral into full blown panic over small things and have taken a lot of time over the years to work on that, and during labour the last thing I need is to have a meltdown because I am going to need to be in a place where people can make physical contact to support the birth. It’s about finding what will work for you in the moment and also practicing it daily right up until the birth date.
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Summary Notes:
Pacing – You’re going to need to re-evaluate what you are doing day to day and how you are doing it. Be kind to yourself when you cannot do things you planned in and give yourself that extra time to get things done. Honestly some days I am blitzing my tasks and the next day I can barely even get up and down the stairs without needing an hour to recover.
Learning – Learn in a way that works for you. Don’t think you have to force yourself to a large, in person, Antenatal Class when that isn’t the best thing. All that will happen is you’ll get overwhelmed/burnt out and not learn what you go there for; that’s what I know will happen so have opted out of it. There’s so much information out there in books, audiobooks, YouTube videos, online courses, etc. BUT make sure that the source you are learning from is credible, learning from other parents is a great way to get ideas but they may not always have the best advice.
Mindfulness – Using this term as a blanket term for the mental/breathing work, but find a way to make this work for you as well. You will most likely need some breathing techniques during labour because it’s quite physical, but you could find some really good calming ones to do ahead of time to help keep your mind in the game.
Next Time: Physically Preparing – What do we need to get physically? looking at things I’ve bought for the nursery and for my own recovery.
Autistic Nottingham 